


Pretend you love me

by PerriewinkleNerdie



Category: Open Heart (Visual Novels)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, F/M, Fluff, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:42:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23110381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerriewinkleNerdie/pseuds/PerriewinkleNerdie
Summary: Naveen knows what he's doing, so do they, but the result might be different than what he intended
Relationships: Ethan Ramsey/Main Character (Open Heart)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	Pretend you love me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello, hello!  
> Let me just start with the fact that this is LONG AS HELL. It took me six days to finish, and since I now find myself with an awfully crazy amount of free time (still bitter about that one), I finally had the time to finish it, so here we are.  
> Enjoy! <3

No matter how many times it happened, no matter how much time has passed, he couldn’t get used to the fact that Naveen was the new Chief. He always half expected it to be Harper on the other side of the message on his pager, but it was always his mentor, and he couldn’t wait for his mind to finally remember it.

Ethan’s eyes were buried in the chart of the patient that the diagnostics team was taking under its care. In any other circumstance, he would probably pay more attention to his surroundings, but the case was a tough one and he needed to get some thoughts on it before the team meeting.

While turning a corner to reach Naveen’s office, his body collided with something, causing him to drop the file onto the floor and catch whatever it was that his arms were full of. The skin on his face got tickled by something that must have been hair and the scent hit his nose, bringing all his senses to life. He didn’t even need to look down to know who he was holding.

“Dr. Herondale.” He muttered, letting her take her time to gain stability on her own two feet. She lingered for a moment longer before taking a step back, straightening her coat and pressing out any wrinkles in her smooth shirt.

“Dr. Ramsey” Claire nodded her head, her eyes sparkling playfully before continuing her journey in the same direction as Ethan. He called out after her, picked up the file from the ground and rushed to her side, discussing the case with her as they both walked the remainder of the distance to Naveen’s office. He held the door for her, smirking at her grateful smile.

“You’re both here, good. I seem to have a bit of a problem with an… engagement that I planned a few weeks ago.” He started enigmatically, watching as their faces twisted in confusion. Leaning back in his chair, he continued. “Edenbrook was invited to take part in a conference in Washington, and it was decided that Dr. Charles and Dr. Lewis were supposed to go.”

“They work in pediatrics, don’t they? That married couple. She announced she is pregnant, like, two weeks ago I think?” Claire asked for clarification, earning a nod from Naveen.

“Precisely. I called ahead and organized everything, told them that we were sending them a married couple, so they knew how to manage their hotels and other arrangements.” He stood up and started walking back and forth as he explained further. “What I didn’t expect was to run into some complications. Dr. Lewis just found out that her pregnancy was a high risk one and she can’t make the journey without putting herself and her baby in danger, so both of them had to cancel. I tried to reach the organizer of the conference to let them know, but the furthest I got was his assistant, and he told me that it was impossible to cancel and that they already were expecting them there, nothing that could be done.”

“So, we have a problem.” Ethan stated, his brows furrowing as he looked at his friend. Naveen nodded slowly, then looked between them like he had something up his sleeve.

“I do have an idea… I didn’t tell them who was coming, just that it was a married couple.” He trailed off, watching Claire and Ethan as he waited for them both to catch up to speed. They either didn’t get it, or didn’t want to get it, because neither spoke up. “I’m going to put it simply. I want you both to go there instead of Dr. Charles and Dr. Lewis.”

Silence was so dense one could hear a pin drop. No one spoke, no one breathed, no one even _looked_ at anything other than their hands for a solid couple of minutes. Claire took a shaky breath, being the first one to raise her head and ask the question they all knew was coming.

“You… want us to pretend to be _married?_ ”

“I don’t see the problem. You are good with each other, I think it would be believable.” Naveen sat back down in his chair, leaning on the desk with a playful spark in his eyes. “I take it you both agree? Wonderful! You leave tomorrow, at six in the morning.”

“Naveen, I don’t think-“ Ethan spoke, for the first time since he heard his idea, and there was a sense of vulnerability in his voice, which Claire recognized immediately, because she had the same feeling rising in her chest.

“You two have plenty of time to prepare. It might be a good idea to start calling each other some of those sweet names kids use these days, you’ll figure something out.” Naveen didn’t even try to cover up how much he was enjoying it, and he was sure that he would hear from Ethan about this later, but he couldn’t say he was concerned much.

He saw the way Ethan’s eyes followed Claire around the room. He saw how his whole posture changed when she entered the room, how his face lit up when she was speaking. It was pretty obvious to everybody around him that he had feelings for her, even if he didn’t want to say it out loud. What was amusing him even more, Claire herself seemed much more at peace with her feelings. She covered it up well, most likely because of Ethan and his pleads, but Naveen knew her long enough to see through the veil she pulled over herself.

If he knew something for certain, it was that these two needed all the help and pushing they could get. Both were stubborn, both were willing to keep their word to each other, no matter how much their whole beings screamed in protest. Naveen was determined to change that.

“If that’s all, I’ll let you two get back to your duties. I want you to reassign your patients to other doctors before you leave. Claire, make sure Esme has someone to take care of her while you’re gone.” He concluded, opening the door for them with a smile, his face wiped of any other emotions. The younger doctor looked between the two men before nodding her head gently and standing up, excusing herself from the room. Ethan stared at her as she left, his body locked in the same position for the next couple of seconds before his friend patted him on the shoulder.

“You’re having fun, aren’t you.” the attending questioned, turning to stand face to face with his mentor. Naveen grinned, raising his hands in a gesture of defenselessness.

“I have no idea what you mean. I’m just trying to solve the problem the best way I know how. I need people that I can trust not to screw this up. People that I know will not have a problem with being close together.” Stepping closer, he lowered his voice in case someone was walking by. “And we both know that you’ll only gain from it. Nothing to lose.”

“Naveen, with all due respect, but I literally fled to another _continent_ to push myself away from her. It hurts me to be in the same room as her and not reach out for her, and you want me to get away with her for three days and pretend that I’m _married_ to her?” Ethan breathed heavily, falling against the wall, his head hanging low. It was a deadly mix, heaven and hell, rolled into one package and thrown into his arms, threatening to blow up in his face and kill him.

How was he supposed to act like she was his life partner, something he’s began dreaming of since he left for the Amazon, and then just… stop? It was a disaster that was waiting to happen, like playing with fire. One wrong step and he would vanish. But that’s not what worried him about the mess in his head.

He had a choice, he saw that in Naveen’s eyes. He could say ‘no’ and Naveen would call the whole thing off. And yet, _he didn’t say no._ He didn’t take the lifeline, he didn’t put himself onto the safe shore, instead choosing to jump into the water and drown, pulling her along with him. Maybe she was stronger than him, maybe she would survive. He would not, now he knew that.

“ _I’m worried I’m going to ruin her.”_ he whispered slowly, finally voicing the source of everything that made him pull away when she got close. Naveen placed his hands on his shoulders to grab his attention.

“You’re not going to ruin her. She is strong, she can hold her own. I know you believe in her, but you also need to believe in yourself, Ethan.” Watching as he struggled with coming to terms what he just heard was like the sky clearing after the storm, letting a single ray of sunshine through.

“I’ll try.”

\--------

He couldn’t believe it was happening. It was 5.55 in the morning and he was just entering the airport. _Late._ By all means, the gate should be closed and he would need to catch another flight. Maybe it was a sign that he shouldn’t go, that he was taking too much of a risk.

No, it wasn’t.

The truth was, he got up too late, and he moved too slowly, and the cab wasn’t going fast enough. His brain wasn’t working fast enough that morning either. When he finally reached the gate, there was only one person there, reading calmly.

“You’re late.” A voice stated, humor coloring their voice. Bright, green eyes peeked at him from above the book, gleaming with satisfaction. “Five more seconds and I would have boarded without you.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” he stated, walking over to her and helping her stand up, taking her bag for her. She put her hand on her hips, arching her eyebrow at him quirkily.

“And what makes you so sure, Mr. Ramsey?”

“Because they expect us there together, Mrs. Ramsey.” He tested the words in his mouth, watching her to lock in her reaction. Her pupils dilated, surprised, before shaking off the feeling and gliding to his side, wrapping her hand around his arm as they walked to the plane in perfect silence.

\-------

Having landed in Washington, they were picked up by a representative of the company and left at the hotel to rest for a bit. In a perfect world, they would have a day to themselves, but that was not the case. They had lectures that day, a fancy dinner later that evening, and their attendance was obligatory.

Ethan let her into their room, closing the door behind them and leaving their luggage by the wall. He knew what to expect even before he saw their bedroom. After all, they were supposed to be married. The sight of a king size bed shook him either way, causing him to get a bit lightheaded.

“I can sleep on the couch if you want.” she offered, walking over to sit on it, her face scrunching a bit at the uncomfortable feeling.

“Claire, I hope you know how much nonsense you’re talking right now. First of all, we’re adults, I don’t see why we can’t share the bed… If you don’t feel comfortable, _I_ will be the one sleeping on the couch, not you.” his words flew out of his mouth before he could stop them, and then he attempted to cover it up with his second sentence, but she heard and understood the first one just fine.

“But you were the one to take the couch the last time we-“ Claire protested, stopping dead in her tracks in the middle of her sentence. She didn’t mean to remind them both of how their last conference together had ended. His mind got flooded with memories of her body, pressed tightly against his, and his body ached to feel it again. He couldn’t, he knew that, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to.

“We can share the bed.” They agreed and didn’t speak about it again.

While Ethan excused himself, saying he needed to take care of some business before the conference, she picked out the clothes to change into. They would need to leave in about an hour, so she had just enough time to get herself together. She didn’t really think about what the next three days meant for them until now. Alone in their room, alone with her thoughts.

She shed her clothes, leaving her in only her underwear, and threw herself on the bed. In desperate need of something to ground herself with, she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. The realization of what they were about to do hit her like a bag of bricks, knocking the air out of her lungs. It’s been hard to have him so close and not be able to do anything. Everything that was about to happen is everything she wants to do to him, with him. And it’s empty, meaningless.

The sound of the door opening escaped her, so the first thing she heard was him taking in a choked breath. She snapped up on the bed, their eyes meeting, and then she realized that she was only in her underwear. Biting her lip, she made the move towards her clothes, avoiding looking at him directly. He cleared his throat, looking down at his feet, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his coat.

“I- uh… we need to leave soon.” Ethan muttered quietly, his voice shaking slightly. He walked over to the couch and sat down, locking his eyes onto the pattern of the carpet beneath his feet.

“Yeah, sure… give me a second, I’ll be ready.” She nodded slightly, putting her clothes on before clearing her throat, letting him know that he can look now. His shoulders relaxed a bit when he stood up and walked over to her. She already moved towards the door when he reached out to catch her hand.

“Claire?” their gazes crossed again, and he couldn’t help the smile that pulled on his lips so hard that the corners shot up. “You’re my wife, remember?”

“…Yes?” she confirmed slowly, not really getting what he meant. He shook his head, searching the pocket of his sweater. He revealed a small, velvet box and Claire, despite herself, gasped.

“It would not be believable if we’re not wearing rings.”

The box opened, revealing two golden wedding bands. Ethan had a torn expression on his face, unsure how she would react. Before she could reach out to touch the rings, he put them away at the table and reached into the pocket again, revealing the second box. He gave it to her, making sure to not let their fingers touch. As soon as she opened it, she looked up at him with surprise, making him grin.

“I figured that since everyone knows us, it would be unusual for you to not wear your engagement ring.” He took the ring out of the soft cushion, taking her left hand in his gently and gazing at her from beneath his lashes. “I can exchange it if you don’t like it.”

“No need for that. I love it.” she replied breathlessly, an unexpected laugh escaping her lips.

“What’s so funny, Mrs. Ramsey?” questioning her was what he did, and she did that to him too, but as he observed her reaction, he knew that she was about to call him out on something.

“I mean… are you going to get down on one knee or…” she trailed off, winking at him playfully. That, in turn, made him laugh too, his whole body shaking slightly.

“Do you want me to?” he muttered, voice low and deep, creeping into her mind and wrapping around her like a soft blanket. Still, she smirked, stepping just an inch closer to him.

“It would be a nice touch. A nice story to give those leeches at the conference. “How did you propose?” “She called me out on not kneeling before her.””

A laugh like she hasn’t heard in what felt like years escaped his lips. After a moment, he sighed with what could only be classified as happiness and dropped to one knee, running his thumb over the back of her hand. They didn’t say anything for a long moment before he cleared his throat.

“Will you marry me?”

They both knew that it wasn’t real, that it was only pretended, but something felt different. It felt emotional, it felt deep it felt like they could do it for real. Claire debated whether she should nod, say something or just confirm and be done with this, but instead, she decided to bring some humor into this.

“I mean… sure. If I have to.”

“Ha! As if you have a choice, Mrs. Ramsey.” He snorted, putting the ring on her finger and pulling her hand to his lips before he could think twice about it. The touch lingered, leaving a pleasant, all too familiar tingle on his lips. Standing up to make them equals, he reached for the rings on the table, pulling hers out of the box and putting it on her finger, next to the engagement ring. He traced both bands with his thumb, deep in thoughts for a short moment that was cut when she reached for his ring, mirroring his actions. It felt natural, it felt good.

“Now, you’re mine, Mr. Ramsey.” She whispered, gazing up at him, realizing how close to one another they were. One small step, one waver of her balance and she would fall into his arms, their lips pressed together. His eyes dropped to her lips, darkening slightly, before they went back to hers and it was as though the spell was broken. Like on a cue, they took a cautious step back, shaking themselves off the tension that locked their bodies in its hold.

“We… we should go.” he hesitated before offering her his arm. She took it gently, her touch so light that at times he wondered if she was even there.

\----------

The conference room was packed to the brim. Everyone kept on bumping into everyone, some were trying to get out of the way, others were taking full advantage of their elbows as they walked. Ethan felt his arm wrapping around her before his mind registered the move, pulling her close to him so he could shield her from any injuries and unexpected blows as they walked. She didn’t even try to pretend like it didn’t affect her, the feel of his body so close to hers, his scent wafting over her with every move he made, the warmth of his body that she could feel through their clothes.

Aware that they had to at least look like they were together, they silently decided to stick to holding hands and occasional hugs, just to be safe. There was no saying what would happen if they let themselves get too comfortable with one another, and it got the job done relatively well. Why walk the line if you can stay far away from it?

It made him squirm how much cliché it was that he felt unprepared for the feeling of her skin against his. Brief touches were not that uncommon for them, after all, they worked together and they were bound to touch at some point of the day, but that was entirely different. It felt like thousands of needles, pricking his skin, almost too much but never enough. Every time he pulled her to his side, he welcomed her warmth and how sweet her scent was. Every time she laughed, his heart fluttered, and every time she turned to hug him, he was ready to believe it was real.

But it wasn’t.

“Ramsey! I didn’t know you were going to be here!” a voice called out to him from behind them, one that he recognized as many of the people that came to those conferences for their own gain. A man stood before them, his hair was gaining grey streaks and his wide smile was so forced and fabricated that he felt bad for that man’s face muscles.

“Helpert, how have you been?” Ethan responded with as much politeness as he could and the two of them shook hands firmly. Helpert’s eyes shifted to Claire and his face got taken over by a suggestive smirk.

“And who is that lady?” he took her hand, leaning down to press a kiss to her skin. “Pleased to meet you, Miss…?”

“Actually, it’s Mrs. Ramsey.” Ethan clarified, tightening his hold on her as his other hand grasped her left hand, showcasing her rings proudly. Helpert’s eyes widened before he laughed, slapping Ethan’s back firmly.

“Well, I’ll be damned! Ramsey, married! I never would have thought I’d see that day. Congratulations, to both of you.” they nodded, smiling genuinely, no part of their behavior an act.

The moment they were left alone, she turned to him, smiling brightly at him, excitement radiating off of her. “We did it!” she exclaimed, raising her hand to a high five. He looked from her to her hand and then back to her face, his eyebrow shooting up in amusement. “Oh, come on. For me?”

He sighed, pretending to be just as excited, laughing as he clapped his hand against hers.

“Oh my god, I love you.” she gasped, pressing her other hand to her heart. His pulse stopped for a moment before it picked back up, twice as fast. Despite all that, he smirked, pulling her closer to him again.

“Only for you, Rookie.”

\---------

They made their rounds, wandering from one stand to another, pointing out the most promising ideas and technologies. It was moments like these that made his heart swell with pride, knowing that she was brilliant on her own. Her hand rarely left his, pulling him by it in the direction she wanted to go in, squeezing it when she was excited, lacing their fingers tenderly when they had a moment of peace and quiet.

Before they knew it, evening came and the time they had to get ready for their dinner. Ethan was almost ready, finishing putting on his tux, while Claire showered, the door opened, very much like back in Miami.

“How long will we be there?” she called out to him, shouting over the rush of water. Ethan leaned closer to the door to hear her better.

“For my sanity, and your own, I hope that not long. Unfortunately, from my own experience, it can get pretty late before everyone decides to leave.”

“Fortunately for us, we have the ultimate excuse to leave early.” She exclaimed, her voice muffled by the distance and the water, and yet despite all that, he could tell she was grinning.

“And, pray tell, what is that?”

At that precise moment, she walked out of the shower, her body loosely wrapped in a towel. His eyes widened at the sight of her almost bare body and their gazes met, an intense stare freezing them both. He walked towards her, noticing how droplets raced down her body before disappearing beneath her towel. She watched him carefully, electricity cracking in the air around them. Her teeth sunk into her lower lip, pupils dilating significantly.

“A young married couple that has a few days to themselves… no one would blame us for slipping away.” She muttered, gauging his reaction, and he did not disappoint. A choked groan almost slipped past him, barely catching it in time. His breathing got labored, his hand reached for her, his index finger swiping along the line of her cheekbone.

Claire nodded slightly, then moved past him to put her clothes on. Once again, only in her underwear, she didn’t look back at him, acutely aware of how bad it could get if they threw caution to the wind. Teasing wasn’t necessarily bad, but anything more than that could turn fatal.

Her fingers glided down her sides, smoothing the silky material before she picked up her purse, finally turning towards him. He already had his eyes on her, grasping any part of her he could catch, while trying not to be too obvious about what was happening in his brain. And it was a lot.

She winked at him playfully, then walked past him to the door. With her hand on the handle, she looked back at him, still frozen in place. “You’re not going to let me go alone, are you?”

\------------------

Many torturous hours later, they stumbled back into their room. Claire was hunched forward, clutching her stomach, struggling to catch her breath. Ethan was walking ahead of her, in a similar state, tears falling from his eyes. She tripped over the carpet, almost falling to the floor if it wasn’t for Ethan’s reaction, who wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him, the motion throwing off their balance. That, in turn, slammed them against the wall, her body on his, their faces hidden against each other’s necks, breathing heavily.

“I have… _never…_ seen a face… so _red in my entire life-_ “ she managed to choke out, giggling hysterically. He nodded, his nose brushing against her neck.

“Who would have thought… that all it took was a metal band… and he would cry.” Ethan’s head shook from side to side before he leaned back, looking down at her.

She had him pinned to the wall, though he was pretty sure she wasn’t aware of that yet. They might have had a bit too much to drink, and he didn’t expect her to be such a light weight. He was tipsy, she was bordering on drunk, which made him swap her drinks for water, and that had already began working.

“Claire, are you-“ he noticed how her expression changed and started asking if she was alright, when she pulled on his hand and dragged him to the side of bed. She began stripping her clothes until she was only in her underwear, then put her hands on her hips and looked up at him expectantly.

Most likely caused by alcohol, he reached for the buttons of his shirt, working them in haste, then throwing the offending material to the floor. As his fingers reached for his belt, Claire made a tentative move to touch the muscles of his stomach. The small touch made them contract, the tiniest of groans slipping past his lips despite his best efforts. Once they are were equally exposed, she reached for his hand again, throwing them both onto the bed. He adjusted their position into one that still has them close together, but one that is not a safety hazard for either of them, and that is how they fell asleep.

The bright light of the morning shone directly at his face, warming his skin. His whole body was relaxed, completely at ease, and there was something thrown over his back carelessly. His own hands were holding onto something, _someone_ , tightly, causing him to finally open his eyes.

Claire’s blonde hair was spread over the pillow, strands falling onto her face without a pattern. The ends of them ticked Ethan’s nose, and it was that sensation that finally made him realize what was happening. He tensed, reaching behind him for her hand, resting it back on the bed gently. His fingers lingered on her skin a moment longer, sadness bleeding into the moment that would be so pleasant and delightful. Bracing on his arms, he lifted himself away from her, as gently and carefully as he could, wanting, more than anything else in that moment, to let her sleep, to allow himself a way out of a conversation that they would have to have had she woken up right this second.

Once in the clear, he released the breath he was holding, looking over his shoulder to watch her. She seemed unbothered by the grunt he let out when he was getting up or the way mattress screeched under his weight. The duvet covered her feet, exposing her body, the morning sun enriching the color of the underwear she had on. His movement didn’t wake her up either, and to his horror, he realized that he had hoped, briefly, that she _would_ wake up, grab him by his shoulders and pull him right back to her side.

“ _Fuck.”_ He sighed, pain laced into his voice, then turned around and went to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Unknown to him, Claire had been awake for the last two hours, stroking his hair as he slept, in no position and with no motivation to leave him, waiting for him to wake up and make the first move. He did, just like she expected him to, and she wasn’t sure if she was disappointed or relieved. Perhaps a bit of both.

\----------

The rest of the morning was nothing out of what they expected it to be. She teased him about how he was getting his tolerance back and how her head was getting stronger, for neither of them had a hangover. He smiled at her, slowly gaining back the easiness that he felt when he was with her. There was no point in wallowing at what could have been, he didn’t have time for that.

Around noon, they were back in the conference room, the struggle annoying him seemingly even more than it was possible. Claire went to get some coffee while he stayed behind, continuing his conversation about the future of diagnostics team with one of the more reasonable people there.

He stood up from his seat, looking around to try and find Claire, when his ears caught a scrap of conversation.

“I didn’t know Ramsey could be nice to people long enough to score himself a girlfriend, not to mention a wife.” Some man snickered, his friend laughing along, not as subtle as they thought they were.

“For a married couple, they are awfully cold to one another. Maybe it’s true what they say, that she already wants a divorce.”

Ethan didn’t entertain the thought of listening to nonsense more than he already had, so he moved away from them, still looking for his ‘wife’. His suspicions were confirmed, though. They were not convincing enough, holding hands and hugging just wasn’t enough. There was a small voice in his head that pleaded with him, to get back to the safe space, to just stick to what they both knew, but it got overpowered by everything else that his brain was throwing his way.

He found her by the bar, standing alone, swirling the lasts of her coffee in a cup. There seemed to be someone approaching her, and Ethan wasn’t sure what’s gotten into him, but his steps got more eager and much faster than he ever expected himself to be. In a matter of seconds, he was by her side, his eyes holding the wild determination that surprised and confused her. He took the cup out of her grip, leaving it on the counter, then pulled her by her hand a few meters to the side. She opened her mouth to ask what the matter was, but never got the chance to finish her sentence.

He attacked her lips with the hunger that consumed his entire being, his hands gripping her hips with force that bordered on bruising, coaxing a low moan from her. Confusion lasted only so long in her movement before she responded in kind, sliding her hands up his chest and gripping the lapel of his jacket, her fingers tangling in his hair at the base of his neck in the meantime.

It was inappropriate. It was hot. It was intense, so intense that tears stung his eyes. It was liberating. After so much time of keeping her at arm’s length as much as he could, as much as he managed to do so, here he was. Initiating a kiss that would and always will be his undoing. Luring out the sounds of her pretty lips that were definitely reserved for his ears only, and only when they were alone.

Claire was the one that instigated most of their encounters, and he never complained while it lasted. It did however make him wonder if she felt like she was the only one that felt this overwhelming need to just _feel_ her.

The way she was holding him, the way she was kissing him, teeth clashing, messy grips that would slip, only to be adjusted, pulling just that much stronger, that much closer. Everything about it screamed to them, and to the world outside, that there was not even a _sliver_ of doubt. They cared about each other, they cared deeply and passionately.

Letting her go was, as always, the most difficult part of it all. But it was different now. In their current circumstance, he could hold her, kiss her and tell her he loved her all he wanted, and no one would even blink at that.

Claire’s brilliant eyes searched his face for any indication as to what exactly happened that made him burst like that. Shaking his head, he dove in for another kiss, much gentler this time, cherishing her, hugging himself to her and pressing his forehead to hers after the kiss was over.

“Are you okay?” she muttered, the tiniest of smiles rising on her face. Her fingers were stroking the sides of his face tenderly, leaning into him when he pulled her closer. His blue eyes shone brightly with affection that there was no way he could fabricate, deep and real and burning.

“Now I am.”

\-----------

Her fingers haven’t left his for the rest of the day. Her warmth hasn’t left his side. Her lips kept on coming back to his.

And that smile of hers. The sight that was a recurring theme of his dreams, now a part of his reality. He found it easier to smile himself, the weight he’s been carrying on his chest since he left for the Amazon has been lifted off. It’s been easier to breathe, easier to be close to her, easier to deal with all the thoughts he had.

Claire’s face was glowing. Her movements got gentler, softer, lighter, like she was walking on air. She practically danced as she strolled around the room, his hold on her tight, his words going directly into her ear.

“You’ve got an incoming ahead of us.” He muttered, grinning slightly when she tried locating the person approaching them in front of them.

“Then talk to them.”

“Oh no, it’s all on you. Go for it.” he nudged her forehead with his nose, earning himself an elbow to his side, making him laugh. She turned on her heels, grabbing his face and pulling him into a brief kiss that left her wanting more. He hummed quietly, tightening his grip on her and letting himself get lost in the feeling. A rather insistent voice interrupted them, and they reluctantly leaned away. Scrunching her nose at him, she turned to their company, putting on a polite smile.

There was some music playing in the background as they walked slowly along the side of the room, their hands clasped tightly together, his thumb caressing her skin tenderly. Her ears caught the melody and when he wasn’t paying attention, she twirled into his arms, beaming up at him when they embraced each other. It was so easy to forget where they were, _who_ they were when they were this close together.

“What are we even doing?” he questioned, humor coloring his voice as they swayed from side. Claire tipped her head to the side, her eyes shining happily. Her nails scraped the back of his neck slightly.

“We’re dancing, my dear husband.” She responded, a flash of heat hitting her cheeks when he leaned towards her, pressing his lips to her forehead. His eyes fell shut, drowning out the rest of the world.

“I can name at least three more appropriate places for such activities.”

Her grin got wider than before when she replied teasingly. “Are you threatening or promising?”

Ethan groaned quietly, rolling his eyes as the world started to bleed back into their focus. He kissed her cheek, then pulled them both forward. “No comment.”

\-----------

Evening came sooner than they expected, the sun casting long shadows against the walls of their room as it fell through the windows. Ethan came back to the room before Claire, and that gave him the moment of clarity and quiet he needed to take a step back and assess the situation.

_What were they doing?_

It was his fault. Again. He let himself get too close to her. Again. He could feel the heartbreak coming. _Again._ Yes, it was him that initiated their closer relationship earlier that day, and he could beat himself up for it for the rest of his days. The truth was, the amount of pent-up emotions, the repressed need to be close to her, it all cumulated into the burst out that he’s been experiencing for the whole day. He had to stop this; he knew he did.

But, damn him, he didn’t want to.

A sharp pain started building in his chest. The more he thought about pushing her away, the more he could feel the dread of what was to come. He was so lost in his head that he didn’t hear the door opening, and when they fell shut, he visibly tensed.

“There you are! I was wondering where you went.” Claire’s voice infiltrated his mind, and then she came into his field of vision. She was smiling, a wide and bright smile that made him want to smile too. He had to fight the invisible force that pulled on the corners of his lips.

It seemed as though he either concealed his emotions well, or she simply didn’t notice the melancholic scowl on his face. He hoped, for the sake of himself, that it was the former. Her steps guided her closer to him, until she was standing by his side, and she made a move to pull him closer to her, smirking slightly. He flinched, giving away almost instantly that something was wrong. Concern filled her features when she whispered. “Ethan?”

“We can’t.” he addressed the elephant in the room, even if she wasn’t aware that it was there in the first place. Now she knew, and pain slowly substituted the happiness that was she felt only seconds ago.

“I feel like I’ve heard that one before.”

Claire took a step back, breathing deeply. He felt himself breaking, tearing at the seams as seconds ticked by, but he held on. He had to be the strong one, the resilient one that would get them through this.

“You know why it had to be that way. Claire, I-“ he started talking, he wanted to explain something that they both already knew, but his breath caught in his throat and his voice broke. His eyes pleaded with her, to understand, to remember what was at stake, _know_ how much it hurt him to push her away.

“If you didn’t want to start anything, then why would you kiss me today?” she breathed the words out, because she wasn’t strong enough to force her vocal cords to work. He cursed inwardly, his face falling. “You know how much it hurts me to even _stand_ this close to you. You know how much pain it causes me to just stay within my lane and not cross the line. And yet…” she cut off, shaking her head and walking around him, her feet carrying her into a nervous pace. “… you have the _audacity_ to kiss me? Why, Ethan. Why would you do that?”

He focused his eyes on the ground, for a long moment not saying a word. The silence was killing them both, slicing them like two sharp knives, tearing them apart. “Because we weren’t believable. It didn’t feel real, the hand holding and hugging. People were suspecting we weren’t together, or that we were, headed towards a divorce.”

“So you decided to sacrifice everything that we’ve worked for? And what for? So that we _looked_ believable?” she exclaimed, not quite believing her own ears. She was getting riled up by the ridiculousness of the whole situation, and Ethan wasn’t helping her either.

“You want to know why I did that? I could tell you that it was because I wanted us to keep up the appearance. I could lie to your face and tell you that I thought about the consequences or how fucked up we would be if I kissed you.” He crossed the room in two long steps, taking her face between his hands to make her look at him. “But the truth is, I didn’t think about the consequences. I didn’t have the time or the opportunity, because as soon as you come close to me, I’m unable to think straight.”

She looked up at him, questions filling her green eyes to the brim. Questions that only he could answer. He stroked her cheeks, a thoughtful, distant look taking over his features for a second before he centered his attention on her again. “You’re dangerous, Claire. You make me want to throw everything I know out the window and follow you. I wasn’t lying when I said that everything yesterday felt empty and dull. It was pretending, it’s what we had to do. But today?” he pulled her even closer to him, her breath hitching at how intense his gaze was. “It wasn’t pretending.”

His lips slammed against hers with a force of a car, taking a deep breath, his whole posture tensing and relaxing immediately afterwards. Claire slowly threw her arms around his neck, pressing him even more into her, a quiet groan reverberating against him. It was like the sun going supernova, blinding them with its intensity. When he pulled away, his eyes remained closed for a long while, giving Claire an opportunity to take in the way his face spelled relief.

“This is not pretending, not for me. It never was.” He revealed, tense and unsure of what’s to come. And then he laughed, a real, true sound that took over his entire being. She observed him with a perplexed look on her face and started laughing with him too. “I can’t believe I finally said that.”

“Would you blame me if I told you that I can’t either?” allowing herself to grin, she lowered her hand to pinch his side playfully, making him yelp in surprise. They slowly caught their breaths, still holding on to each other. He brushed a lock of hair away from her face, resting his palm against her cheek, then watched mesmerized when she nuzzled into it softly. “Can we forget the world exists? Just for tonight?”

Ethan considered her words carefully, much more intensely than he probably should. He knew the answer right away, the correct answer, and yet, that is not what he chose to follow. It wasn’t about being correct, it was about being right, and at that moment, nothing felt more right than to just pull her closer and not let her leave his side.

“For tonight, the world is thousands of miles away. You don’t have to worry about it.” he muttered delicately, his lips pressed to her temple with care. She sank into his embrace, at peace, relaxed, letting herself just be with him.

\---------

“Are those all of your things? You didn’t forget anything?” he questioned, sweeping his eyes around the room one final time. Claire smirked before replying.

“Not all of us are old, Ethan. You on the other hand…” she trailed off, picking up his shirt, lying on the floor by the bed and hanging it from the tip of her finger, then throwing it at him with a laugh.

“I’m not even going to drown myself with excuses.” He chuckled, then folded the material and put it into his suitcase. His wedding band caught the ray of light, shining brightly. Grimacing, he slowly lifted his eyes to her, bitter taste in his mouth. “We- uh… we should probably do something about the rings.”

Claire sighed, her fingers playing with two bands absentmindedly. What were they supposed to do, get rid of them? Throw them out? Sell them? Donate them? “What do you think we should do?”

“I think we should put them back into the boxes and just leave them here.” He decided after a moment of careful consideration. She nodded, reaching for one of them, placing her rings inside with delicate precision, patting them gently before closing the lid. He watched the entire situation with a heavy heart, knowing well that it wasn’t about the material value of the rings, but the emotional one. Maybe that’s why his movements resembled hers when he mirrored her actions.

They placed the boxes under the table, on a small shelf, not visible unless one looked for it, then turned to their suitcases. Ethan grabbed one of his and began walking towards the door, leaving Claire behind him.

She bit her lip, looking between the boxes and Ethan, then her hand did a quick move, grabbing the one holding his rings, slipping it into the pocket of her jacket. Praying that her face would not betray her and that he would not notice.

“You’re coming or not?” he asked when he came back for the second suitcase, his eyebrow raising in question. She nodded, then squared her shoulders and left the room.

Ethan grabbed the handle of the bag and took a step towards the door when he was stopped by a quiet voice in his head. He battled with himself, for as long as he could before she would notice he didn’t follow her and check on him, and then, in a split second decision, moved his hand to take the box that held both her rings inside, and placed them in the pocket of his coat carefully.

“For a better time…” he muttered to himself quietly, then followed her voice out the door.


End file.
